musings...

There are times where I think that if only I had (a) liked mathematics and (b) had ANY talent for math, I would have made a great engineer.

I love to make stuff -- but more speicifically, I LOVE the challenge of figuring out how to take an idea and make it real. Figuring out the mechanics, identifying and fixing bugs...and finally coming up with a *thing*. That's my true passion, manifesting an idea into reality. Unfortunately, my passion doesnt extend to stuff like...um math and computers, so I haven't found a real way to make a living at it. *sigh* But on the plus side, I make some really cool stuff. :-)

And I've been pretty solid about keeping my New Moon vow this week -- I was wrestling with an engineering problem with a project that I was doing. But I finally got all the pieces together and working las night. May I just say that crimp beads suck? They were part of my technical difficulties...

It's a Sunday, so here is my Sunday morning haiku. Written just now, ON THE SPOT. I'm stunned, I didn't have one in mind when I logged in.

A cloudy morning--
Birdsong pierces the stillness
Why am I awake?

GAH!

OK, I'm giving everyone fair warning right now.

This is one of my *ugly* days, and it's a bad one. You know, those days where you feel hideously ugly and totally unlovable? Well, today's one. I mean, I always struggle with feeling un-pretty, but every so often I get hit with a really bad ugly day. Logically I know that these are old tapes, and they're probably not terribly useful to me, but emotionally I can't seem to make the leap.

So I'm feeling drawn out and ugly.

But I WILL take a shower, and I WILL go out today. I will NOT cower in my bedroom forever. Just for a little while.

(no subject)

Nope...still ugly. DAMN! But amber_phoenix, thank you for the moral support. I know this will pass, eventually. Maybe.

In the end, I wasn't able to make myself go out and face the world today...at least not beyond the trash cans in back. So, point for old tapes.

But on the other hand, I did not cower in bed all day. I got up, I did laundry, I put away my clothes -- which was a much bigger job than it sounds, since I'd been piling clothes on the swan bench since I got back from CA in February and living off of it. But now, everything is clean and hung up in the closet or folded and in a drawer. I started cleaning the kitchen and the living room -- those are long term goals. I took out two sets of garbage, and I sorted out some recycling. I vaccumed and I emptied and re-filled the dishwasher. So...point for me.

And I finally sat down and watched Whale Rider. GREAT movie! Loved it.