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Work was still stressful. My boss is still an asshole, but I left @ 12:30. I had some work-related errands to run, but I was gone from the premises. Life is good.
When I finished my errands, I took myself to Victor's. One Victor's Cuban sandwich, one plate of maduros and one cafe con leche effected a sea change in my mood, and life is happy and sated.
And I am home. :)
On a slightly more surreal and pensive note, last night after Wallace & Gromit, and since I still couldn't sleep, I watched a very funny movie called Saving Face set in NYC. The main character, Wil, is a doctor from a traditional Chinese family who gets all kinds of pressure because she's not married. The thing is, she's gay. The characters are really well drawn.
The funny/scary thing is, I recognized my approach to relationships in Wil. The tentativeness, the sheer literalness, the fear of being close to people, and the belief that deep down I don't deserve their love and attention, that they really can't love me, I must be kidding myself. I wish I knew how to CHANGE that outlook and that approach. Because obviously it's not doing me any good at all. And it's not like there's a script for Act III that's going to magically change the situation.
Any suggestions? Any advice? Any hugs?
When I finished my errands, I took myself to Victor's. One Victor's Cuban sandwich, one plate of maduros and one cafe con leche effected a sea change in my mood, and life is happy and sated.
And I am home. :)
On a slightly more surreal and pensive note, last night after Wallace & Gromit, and since I still couldn't sleep, I watched a very funny movie called Saving Face set in NYC. The main character, Wil, is a doctor from a traditional Chinese family who gets all kinds of pressure because she's not married. The thing is, she's gay. The characters are really well drawn.
The funny/scary thing is, I recognized my approach to relationships in Wil. The tentativeness, the sheer literalness, the fear of being close to people, and the belief that deep down I don't deserve their love and attention, that they really can't love me, I must be kidding myself. I wish I knew how to CHANGE that outlook and that approach. Because obviously it's not doing me any good at all. And it's not like there's a script for Act III that's going to magically change the situation.
Any suggestions? Any advice? Any hugs?
