(no subject)

No! Make it stop! I want to go back to sleep. I don't WANT to go to work today.

I was so tired last night that I couldn't fall asleep...not until after 10pm anyway. So I worked almost four extra hours yesterday and now have to function on two less hours of sleep. That's just not right. Math and I may have only a nodding acquaintance, but I know that adds up to sleep dep.

GAH!

But I DID get to watch Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. hee hee.

Life is better today...

Work was still stressful. My boss is still an asshole, but I left @ 12:30. I had some work-related errands to run, but I was gone from the premises. Life is good.

When I finished my errands, I took myself to Victor's. One Victor's Cuban sandwich, one plate of maduros and one cafe con leche effected a sea change in my mood, and life is happy and sated.

And I am home. :)

On a slightly more surreal and pensive note, last night after Wallace & Gromit, and since I still couldn't sleep, I watched a very funny movie called Saving Face set in NYC. The main character, Wil, is a doctor from a traditional Chinese family who gets all kinds of pressure because she's not married. The thing is, she's gay. The characters are really well drawn.

The funny/scary thing is, I recognized my approach to relationships in Wil. The tentativeness, the sheer literalness, the fear of being close to people, and the belief that deep down I don't deserve their love and attention, that they really can't love me, I must be kidding myself. I wish I knew how to CHANGE that outlook and that approach. Because obviously it's not doing me any good at all. And it's not like there's a script for Act III that's going to magically change the situation.

Any suggestions? Any advice? Any hugs?